Douchey Business Tactic #1: Excessive Use of Someone’s Name
I’m starting a new blogging series at Fresh Edge, and it’s called Douchey Business Tactics. Success in business requires a lot of hard work and tenacity, and along the way you can accidentally pick up some traits that I can only describe as douchey. Nobody likes doing business with a douchebag, so I’ll do my best to share the douchiest tactics I’ve encountered (and continue to encounter) in my marketing and business career.
Douchey Business Tactic #1 (or DBT1) is pretty straightforward: it’s when someone you’ve just met awkwardly works your name into the conversation an unnatural amount of times. You could be talking to a potential client, a prospective hire, or networking with someone at an event, and the conversation goes something like this:
Me: “I’m Rebecca.”
Douche: “Rebecca, great to meet you. I’m Douche.”
Me: “So what do you do for a living?”
Douche: “Well Rebecca, I’m a blah blah blah for such and such.”
Me: “Oh really, what’s that like?”
Douche: “I tell ya, Rebecca, it’s great. Really great. The most rewarding part of my job, Rebecca, is really getting out there and blah blah blah with whozits whatzits.”
Me: “Uh huh.”
Douche: “One of the greatest challenges, Rebecca, of my day to day is Rebecca Rebecca Rebecca.”
Me: “…what?”
It’s like that scene in Being John Malkovich where John Malkovich takes a trip into his own psyche and everyone just says “Malkovich Malkovich” over and over again. That much name-dropping just does not sound natural. Granted, when you first meet someone it’s customary to repeat his name back to him in an attempt to remember it better (though I do that all the time and still immediately forget–my brain is totally inconsistent with name retention). Ergo:
Jim: “Hi, I’m Jim.”
Phil: “Nice to meet you, Jim. I’m Phil.”
Name usage is not unlike keyword targeting–you use the keywords strategically on the page and wherever/whenever it makes sense and seems logical. Stuffing keywords onto a page will seem unnatural and won’t read properly, and it’ll only serve to alienate your users. Likewise, hearing someone you’ve just met use your name twelve times in three sentences is just awkward and uncomfortable.
I’d way rather have someone say, “I’m sorry, what was your name again?” than Tourette’sing your name throughout the entire conversation. It’s natural and humanizing to forget a name–it’s not natural to overuse it. Would you rather people focus on what you’re saying or distract them with a Pavlovian reaction to their own name every time you utter it?
This concludes Douchey Business Tactic #1. Don’t be That Guy–just use someone’s name when appropriate. You’re not impressing anyone with your ability to Mad Libs someone’s name into whatever discussion you’re having, so stop trying.
Douche.
Haha the good ole name repeater…damn annoying. These types of people remind of the the Kenny Banya variety from Seinfeld.
certainly nobody likes doing business with douches, my landlords are currently being douches..we have nicknamed Drew as Drewchebag
Incrediby annoying!
Soup totally counts as a meal, too.
Damn, this would be a lot easier if all of you would just wear name tags. Then my feeble mind would not have to resort to finding ridiculous ways to work it into the discussion. I read this post while I was having my breakfast (a hearty bowl of Rebecca brand Frosted Flakes, extra flaky).
That last picture reminds me of the Bill Nye videos I used to watch at school (*cough* and at home *cough*).
Theme song excerpt:
Bill… Bill Bill… Bill Bill Bill,
Bill Nye, the science guy…
I think Bill Nye lives in Seattle. He bought a TV at Best Buy one day. I saw him. True story (you’re riveted, aren’t you).
Hell yeah… found it!
Bill Nye Theme Song
malkovich malkovich malkovich!
Well Rebecca I’ve gotta say you’re off to a great start with Fresh Edge and I’m really looking forward to reading more of your DBT posts Rebecca. Good luck with Fresh Edge Media, Rebecca. I hope it really goes well for you Rebecca, Fresh Edge, Rebecca, Malkovich, Malkovich. (Do I get extra douchebag points for the repetition of your site name as well as your name, Rebecca? ;-)
Haha, people with screen readers must hate this site right now.
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The name repeating is annoying and I think it’s employed by people who don’t remember names well to remember them. I’m one of those people and an old boss told me right after you meet someone that repeating their name three times will drastically improve your chances of remembering it. The downside as you mentioned is that it sounds unnatural and is exceptionally annoying. I agree that it’s better to forget and ask again. Plus, if you’ve been attentive and showing you’re listening with eye contact it should be permissable. Good post and excellent use of the word douche.
You may have seen Bill Nye buy a TV at a BestBuy, but I saw Donald Sutherland take a piss. True story.
profanity filter
Some famous sales theory taught people to repeat the other person’s name, to make it more personal and intimate. In real life, it’s totally lame!
And I agree with the person up there who said name badges at all times. Or, as I like to call them, labels. Why, yes, I am a metadata librarian type ;-)
I hate that. Sometimes people do that when they are pissed off, but they do it in a condescending tone.
Settle down Rebecca. Now Rebecca bla, bla, bla… Rebecca, how many times have I told you bla, bla, bla… Rebecca, remember bla, bla, bla. Isn’t that right Rebecca? All I here about is Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca!