This was the only relevant pic I could find, but you get the idea

I don’t think of myself as disloyal, but at the same time I can’t bring myself to agree with someone 100% of the time if every so often he or she says something that’s against my beliefs or that I take issue with. My stubbornness has gotten me in trouble on more than one occasion, and I do have a problem with being blunt and unfiltered with my opinion, but if someone saves me from a burning wreckage that doesn’t mean I high five him when he talks about how “them colored folk are ruining America” (okay, extreme example but you get the idea).

Most successful people have some tenacity and aren’t too afraid to speak out and voice their opinion, even if it’s in opposition of an industry leader or a bigwig. They didn’t get where they are today by being blindly loyal to whoever has a bigger office than them. Yeah, I’m sure they did their fair share of ass kissing and strategic sucking up when appropriate, but if all you do is flop over and lamely nod your head and agree with your idol, you’re reduced to little more than a lap dog and won’t get taken seriously. Why would anyone bother to respect you and your opinions if you keep parroting the same person’s perspective, regardless of how sound the argument is?

Your opinion is what makes you you. We don’t need two Danny Sullivans because we already have one, so you don’t have to fawn all over him and chirp “I agree!” every time he says something. We don’t need Cuttlets following Matt Cutts around convention centers with little hearts for eyes, taking every single thing he says as the gospel truth. Don’t be afraid to question authority and disagree with your mentors — if he’s actually a good mentor/role model, he’ll applaud his young grasshopper for challenging his authority and thinking critically.

If you want to be a Yes Man, go ahead and be one, but don’t expect much success in your career unless you’re willing to be a backstabber and completely flip flop from kissing ass one day and turning a blind eye the next in order to advance up the corporate ladder. If, however, you want your voice heard, don’t be afraid to open your mouth and stick up for your viewpoints. You may owe someone a certain debt of gratitude and thanks for helping you out at some point in your career, but that doesn’t mean you’re forever that person’s bitch. Respect your colleagues and your mentors, but respect yourself more.

Then yesterday I saw an article on MediaPost about Rupert “So What If I’m Old I Got More Money Than Your Poor Ass Will Ever See” Murdoch that more or less said he’s tired of us getting to read Fox News for free so it’s time to open up our wallets.  Never mind that a lot of the stories they have can be found elsewhere, though it might be worth a nickel or so to read about “murder bombers” and “freedom fries” or whatever contrarian phrases they decide to use to show they’re not a part of the liberal press machine.

I think both of these guys, one a reporter on electronic media and the other the owner of such media, are missing the boat.  First, I think in Lyons’ article he has some good ideas on how Facebook and Twitter could generate a little revenue, but their broad appeal is based on the fact they are gratis.  Who the hell is going to pay to read about the minutia of a jerk’s life?  Do you really want to pay to know I’m watching the neighbor’s dog take a dump or that I think my toenail is infected?  Even if you were my friend?  Is there really a segment of society with enough disposable income that they want to be “friends” with someone they sat next to in friggin’ Health class who puked all over their shoes when discussing the female reproductive system?  But if they’re free, oh hell yeah, sign me up and I’ll even pretend to remember so-and-so or share my own inane thoughts.

The reason these sites are popular and we know the name of them is because they are FREE.  And we use them because they are FREE.  Sure, if they decided to move to some sort pay-to-play model, there would be people who’d be willing to pay their fee and keep using them.  But I imagine even more people would not, and Twitter, Facebook and these other sites would lose the name recognition, relevance, importance, and, perhaps more importantly, users.

I think Rupert Murdoch’s standpoint is worse.  At least Lyons doesn’t own those properties and has ideas to keep people using them while profiting off others who do get a monetary benefit from them.  Murdoch, I think, is crazy to think that the content his online outlets provide is so important that people would pay to read or view it.  Imagine if in the early days of radio or television, they could have come up with a way to get people to pay a premium for that content.  Those media would have died, just as Fox News’ website will likely do.  All Murdoch is doing is opening it up for CNN, MSNBC and other online news sources to eat his pie.

If he’s pissed about not making enough money off of his sites, perhaps Fox ought to develop an online marketing strategy that allows them to dominate the SERPs as well as paid listings.  By increasing the number of opportunities and times (or reach and frequency) humans can view this content, News Corp. can charge a higher premium for advertising on those properties.  With more people viewing the content, Murdoch’s advertisers will get a better return on their ad dollars since, with Fox’s new online strategy, their sites are everywhere and now relevant and important.

The thing I don’t think either of these guys are getting is the internet will largely remain a source of free information, entertainment and god-knows-what-else.  Like the radios and televisions or yore, having something to receive the signal, or 1′s and 0′s, is the entry fee.  Well, in the case of the web, internet access is the other crucial important element.  I just doubt that after people by their “receiver” and pay for their “antenna,” they’re going to pay for these services while there will still be so many other free alternatives.

1. Act Extremely Uncomfortable

Jason started asking the salesperson some basic questions (e.g., “We’re interested in getting iPhones, do you have any in stock, is it hard to switch providers”) and she jitterbugged her way through her responses, fidgeting and doing the “shifty eyed dog” move. Her sweeping, awkward hand gestures and stammery responses immediately made me feel uncomfortable and annoyed with her profound lack of people skills. If you clearly don’t like interacting with people, you shouldn’t be in sales. It’s pretty much one of those professions that requires some people skills and the ability to fake a smile.

Shifty-Eyed Dog

2. Use a Condescending/Negative Tone

Once Fidget McSourface started giving us responses, she did so in a condescending tone. A big part of dealing with customers and clients is what you say, but it’s also how you say it. You could be giving the greatest advice in the world or making the best possible argument as to why someone should buy your particular product, but if you do so with a negative tone or a certain “I’m right and you’re wrong” twang in your voice, you’re likely to alienate a great deal of your audience. People like confidence but not cockiness, and they especially don’t like being talked down to like they’re dumb (even if they are).

3. Be Extremely Vague

When we asked about the iPhone 3GS we were informed that they were out of stock. Upon asking when more would arrive, the saleswoman refused to give us an estimate. It’s not like we were looking for an exact day and time–even something as simple as “Well, the past couple weeks we’ve received X shipments of iPhones that usually come in two times a week” would be better than “I can’t really say.” It’s like a hostess telling a hungry customer, “Our dining area is full and I can’t give you a time estimate of when a table will open up, but we still want your business so you can just have a seat and wait for an unspecified amount of time.” Don’t be vague–overestimate if you have to, but be courteous enough to provide some sort of time estimate so that the customer thinks you’re organized and value his/her time.

4. Be Super Pushy and Aggressive When Providing Basic Information

If a prospective client or customer is in the information gathering stage, respect that. Don’t be pushy and inundate the person with aggressive sales tactics. You can come off as looking like a bully dickwad who’s more interested in making a sale than in helping fulfill the customer’s needs. And while we’re at it, there’s no need to go out of your way to badmouth the competitor, especially unprovoked. Superfluously inserting something like, “Oh, and an advantage to buying the phone here instead of through AT&T is that we offer a phone protection plan that covers screen damage and they don’t cover anything” just makes me want to buy the phone anywhere else because you’re being overly aggressive.

5. Don’t Pay Attention to Details

The salesperson had me fill out a contact form, and after I wrote down my information she copied it onto a waiting list. I watched her look at my contact information and copy it over to her clipboard, and during the process she spelled my name wrong, writing down “Kelly” instead of “Kelley.” A common misspelling, sure, but when you’re copying something down verbatim and manage to misspell it when you’ve got the original right in front of you, that’s just sloppy and unprofessional. Pay attention to details–remember how to pronounce names, keep in mind your customers’ concerns, all that jazz. Your customers and clients will be impressed when you recall these little details later.

6. Be Dishonest

In order to reserve iPhones, Jason and I were each going to be issued $50 gift cards. The saleswoman said “I’m just going to do two $50 gift cards so you guys get your own and don’t have to share one,” then laughed as if she were doing us a huge favor by not forcing us to share. When I told her she can just give us one $100 gift card, she fidgeted (again) and said, “Well, I have to do two separate transactions.” Wouldn’t it have been easier to just say “I have to ring this up as two transactions, so I’ll give you guys two gift cards” instead of trying to shape a pointless lie? Be honest when you can–even telling someone “I don’t know the answer, but I’ll look into it right away for you” is better than trying to make something up to sound knowledgeable or withholding procedural standards in order to seem more streamlined.

Douchey Business Tactic #1 (or DBT1) is pretty straightforward: it’s when someone you’ve just met awkwardly works your name into the conversation an unnatural amount of times. You could be talking to a potential client, a prospective hire, or networking with someone at an event, and the conversation goes something like this:

Me: “I’m Rebecca.”

Douche: “Rebecca, great to meet you. I’m Douche.”

Me: “So what do you do for a living?”

Douche: “Well Rebecca, I’m a blah blah blah for such and such.”

Me: “Oh really, what’s that like?”

Douche: “I tell ya, Rebecca, it’s great. Really great. The most rewarding part of my job, Rebecca, is really getting out there and blah blah blah with whozits whatzits.”

Me: “Uh huh.”

Douche: “One of the greatest challenges, Rebecca, of my day to day is Rebecca Rebecca Rebecca.”

Me: “…what?”

It’s like that scene in Being John Malkovich where John Malkovich takes a trip into his own psyche and everyone just says “Malkovich Malkovich” over and over again. That much name-dropping just does not sound natural. Granted, when you first meet someone it’s customary to repeat his name back to him in an attempt to remember it better (though I do that all the time and still immediately forget–my brain is totally inconsistent with name retention). Ergo:

Jim: “Hi, I’m Jim.”

Phil: “Nice to meet you, Jim. I’m Phil.”

Name usage is not unlike keyword targeting–you use the keywords strategically on the page and wherever/whenever it makes sense and seems logical. Stuffing keywords onto a page will seem unnatural and won’t read properly, and it’ll only serve to alienate your users. Likewise, hearing someone you’ve just met use your name twelve times in three sentences is just awkward and uncomfortable.

I’d way rather have someone say, “I’m sorry, what was your name again?” than Tourette’sing your name throughout the entire conversation. It’s natural and humanizing to forget a name–it’s not natural to overuse it. Would you rather people focus on what you’re saying or distract them with a Pavlovian reaction to their own name every time you utter it?

This concludes Douchey Business Tactic #1. Don’t be That Guy–just use someone’s name when appropriate. You’re not impressing anyone with your ability to Mad Libs someone’s name into whatever discussion you’re having, so stop trying.

Douche.